busboys and poets

Here's an idea: spell your title correctly. It will predispose your critiquers to being kind.

Cute little ditty, but not a poem. Better luck in future endeavours.

If you didn't sign up, please go away and spare us your childish antics. Oh, and tell your friend not to inflict your poetry on us again. Thank you. :D

The sarcasm was not appreciated or necessary, Alice. 1) Poetry does not have to be capitalized. I don't capitalize mine for a reason. 2) Yes, it is supposed to have ...

I agree with Incandescence. This is not poetry--this is a poor attempt at being socially-aware... or something. Those of you who say it's "good" have very, very low expectations.

Thank you both! Far more complimentary than I expected. =) My question to you is now--which parts should be trimmed or adjusted? I agree that it does become 'ungrounded,' but ...

These lyrics aren't bad, but I have to admit that I was less than impressed with the rhyming patterns and rhythm. Not that they're bad, per se--they're just rather simplistic. ...

Simple and pleasing to the inner ear; I'd love to hear it performed. While the ideas aren't very original, the images themselves are vivid and well-presented, especially the image of ...

Not the most unique or complex of songs, and the word choice could be stronger, but, holistically, I really enjoyed this. =)

It would be nice if any of your raps had a point.

I'm sure this would sound better performed, but if it's a rap, there's very little too it. Try adding more.

:lol: Cute, if utterly pointless.

Very interesting. I have not much more to comment on, but it was thought-provoking, and if not a sample of brilliant prose, at least very solid.

I'm afraid Cade's stolen all of my comments, and most of the words I'd use to describe this--especially "juvenile." As a teacher, I'd give this not much more than a ...

Erm... is there a point to this? Stole the words from beneath my fingertips. Also, I agree that this comes across more as fiction than essay. Consider switching forums.